


Another Blow

by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Emotional Hurt, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Male-Female Friendship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 10:22:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room/pseuds/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To the untrained eye, Remus was the most put together young wizard of his class.  Only Lily knew he was falling to pieces over Sirius - but even she didn't know just how much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Blow

On the surface, there was nothing to Remus Lupin.  He liked books, paid attention in classes to get high marks, and hung out with (some, like Lily Evans, were less kind and said corralled) James, Sirius, and Peter. He was on the fast track to becoming a prefect, to great things after he finished his years at Hogwarts, all his professors said so.  His parents would tell anyone who asked he was a special boy meant for special things.

To his three friends, who knew him a little better, he was snarky and a werewolf.  He had a fierce love of earl grey tea, chocolate, and even though he didn’t look it had a good and mischievous mind for harmless pranks.  They all knew he would do anything for his friends, especially Sirius whom he was closest to. 

Unknown to James - Remus wasn’t sure HOW he’d never figured it out, never tried to use their friendship to help him chase her - Lily knew him best after the Marauders from all their late night study sessions.  She knew how much he was in love with his best friend, how he simulaniously wished for the courage to tell him and prayed that he’d never find out.  He knew that James suspected, that there were times when he would give him a knowing look when he caught Remus staring a little too long, but wasn’t sure how much he knew.

The only person who knew his deepest, darkest secret was Lily Evans.

It was an accident that she found out.  He was distracted, hurrying across the lawn towards the shade at the edge of the forest when it happened.  Remus was so trapped in his own head he didn’t even see her walking towards the Quidditch pitch with her friends, didn’t notice when she saw him and stopped, telling them she would catch up with them at the match later.

“Remus, are you okay?”  He jumped but didn’t turn to look at her, his shoulder hunched as he shifted subtly away from her.  When she rested a hand on his shoulder he looked back at her, Lily biting her lip when she saw the tear tracks on his face.  “What happened?”

“I caught Sirius with your friend Lenore.  James asked me to bring him something he’d forgotten back in our dormitory.”  Remus said softly, looking away.  Lily went to wrap him in a hug, surprised when he pulled away, still refusing to turn towards her.  “It’s alright, really.  You should go.  Your friends will be waiting for you.”

“If you need me, they can wait.  Its just a silly Quidditch match Remus.”  Lily smiled gently, resting a hand on his shoulder.  He shrugged her off again, his friend finally getting frustrated and moving around him so they were face to face.  She nearly fainted at what she saw.  “Remus…”

“I told you to go!  Just go Lily, leave me!”  He said, his voice frantic.  His hand clamped down harder on his wrist, his shoulder shaking as he slipped into the cover of the trees. 

“Remus wait!”  Following him into the woods she grabbed his shoulder, digging her fingers into his shoulder and hanging on as he tried to pull away.  Jerking him around she pulled his hand away from his wrist, her fingers shaking as they wiped away the blood to examine the wound he’d been trying to hide.  “How did you get this?”

“You’re intelligent, try putting two and two together, its not hard to guess.”  Remus sighed, the venom leaving his voice as she looked up at him in anguish.

“Why would you do this to yourself?  Is it because of Sirius?”  She asked, pulling out her wand.  He winced as cold water flowed from the tip cleaning his wound, watching as Lily materialized a bandage out of thin air.  As she wrapped it around his wrist and tied it tight he didn’t speak, tears slipping down his face and onto the forest floor.  “I know you love him, but you can’t do things like this Remus.”

“Why not?  Its not any worse than the blow he deals me every time he finds another witch to serve his needs.  This doesn’t hurt nearly as much.”  He said, his voice flat.  Unable to stop herself Lily smacked him, her eyes wet and shining when he looked up at her in shock.

“It hurts ME, Remus.  How do you think it makes me feel that you don’t care about yourself enough to not do something this stupid?”  She asked, pulling him into her arms.  He shook against her, burying his face into her neck as she rubbed his back.  “Please don’t do this, don’t damage yourself.”

For a while he didn’t speak, Lily content that he was letting her hold him instead of pulling away.  When he finally looked at her again, there were no more tears, the sadness in his eyes toned back from the blank look of agony she’d seen in them earlier.  Kissing her cheek he took her hand, leading her out of the forest and over to the gates of the Quidditch pitch where the game was already in full swing.

“I’ll try, for your sake, but I won’t promise anything.”  Remus said quietly as they slipped into seats near her friends.  As they turned their attention to the game, Lily could tell there was more he wanted to say, that for once he wasn’t following Sirius’s trail through the sky with rapt attention.  Finally he turned to her, his face confused.  “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

“Never.”


End file.
